Clark doesn’t dress as Superman for the Daily Planet’s annual Halloween party just for the sake of irony.
He also does it because he knows that Bruce will find out, because Bruce always finds out, and he thinks it’ll be hilarious.
Well, that plus Bruce is always getting on his case about the fact that he doesn’t even bother to wear a mask as Superman. Clark has tried to explain it, how posture and body language can change people’s perceptions, how he keeps his Midwestern drawl as Clark, but drops it for Superman, how he wears intentionally ill-fitting clothing as Clark to hide his body shape…
Bruce believes him, but only begrudgingly. After watching the fifth talk show where Bruce has to comment about how “Do the butts match?” Clark has to wonder if Bruce isn’t also maybe a little bit jealous. It’s a good thing that Clark isn’t the petty sort, (Except maybe he kind of is, just a little bit.)
He almost buys the “Stripper Superman” Halloween outfit because it makes him crack up; only the fact that it’s a work party dissuades him. Instead he goes for the one that has fake muscles in it. They’re so awful, and so anatomically incorrect that he has to go for it. The fabric is shiny, and the “S” stretches funnily across his chest when he tries it on; the fabric is, after all, also cheap. The cape only goes down to his waist, and he has to buy the tights separately. It doesn’t comes with shoes, only boot covers, and he immediately decides he’s going to wear crocs.
Because he’s Superman.
He can do what he wants.
Bruce finds out about his plans (…because of course he does), and tries to talk him out of it. Clark listens politely, then mentions politely that he’s been watching episodes of drag race to get tips on how to make a fake derriere for his costume. After all, he’s got to make sure that the butts match.
Bruce leaves him alone after that (except to mutter darkly that Clark’s secret identity is going to be blown, and is Clark really-?)
When he gets dressed for the party, Clark makes sure not just to slick back his hair, but to make it obvious it’s slicked back. He parts it to the “wrong” side, like he was looking in the mirror when he did his hair, and forgot everything was backwards. He puts on the ridiculous, ill-fitting costume, the crocs, the boot covers, and adjusts all the foam “muscles” so that he “looks like Superman.”
He wears his glasses, because everyone knows Clark Kent can’t see without his glasses. He makes sure to slouch at the party, to keep to the mannerisms that scream to the world “I Am Clark Kent And Definitely Not Superman Nope.” And if his drawl is a little stronger that night then normal? It’s probably the available drinks.
Funnily enough, he’s not actually the only person to dress up as Superman; Superman is a popular figure at the Daily Planet, and there are enough costumed fans to have a “Superman look-alike” competition.
When Bruce finds out that Clark came in last place… Well, it’s hard not to act smug.
Look, I love Christmas. I do. I like the lights and the trees and the food. But its so hyper-commercialized, so much emphasis on showing love through money. And it constantly tries to cannibalize Thanksgiving. It’s heavy religious veneer is a precarious mix of “eh, its fine” and “NO, UNCLE RALPH, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, FUCKER.”
Thanksgiving, for all its weird white washed mythology about pilgrims and natives, is one of the only major holidays left that isnt commercialized up to its eyeballs. Its focus is on gratitude for what you already have, and not on what you want to get. And I like that. Its about pie and family.
Halloween, for all the struggle with hyper-sexualized teen costumes and assholes with racist dress up, is the last major holiday that is community-centered, instead of nuclear-family focused. You arent expected to travel or host or see grandpa. You are supposed to spend that time with your neighbors, and I love that.
So in short: Christmas is fine. But the Autumn Holidays are objectively better.
“ there, there, it’s okay, don’t cry. ”
“ shhh, it’s okay now, i’m here. ”
“ don’t cry, everything will work out. ”
“ please don’t cry, i’m so sorry. ”
“ i will always be here for you. never forget that. ”
“ don’t you ever forget that i am always here. ”
“ if you ever feel alone, don’t, because i am right here. ”
“ i’m going to be here for you through it all. ”
“ are you okay? do you need a hug? ”
“ come here, give me a hug, it’s going to be okay. ”
“ i will always offer you my shoulder to cry on. ”
“ don’t let anyone break you down, rise up from their antics. ”
“ you deserve so much better, you are a beautiful being. ”
“ stop looking for a reason to die, look for one to live for. ”
“ you never have to be alone again, i promise. ”
“ please don’t make a promise you can’t keep. ”
“ hey, what are friends for, huh? ”
“ have i ever not been there for you? ”
“ i will hold your hand through it all. ”
“ never let anyone bring you down dear. ”
“ oh, you can’t let them win, stop that. ”
“ well, now, what is crying going to do about it? ”
“ you finish crying and stand up and come back ten times harder. ”
“ you can always forgive, but never forget. ”
“ it sucks, i know, but time heals all pain. ”
“ you shouldn’t let them get you down. ”
“ you are such a strong person, you can beat this. ”
“ you will come out on top, standing strong. ”
“ you can’t break someone who is already broken. ”
“ you will survive this because you were built for it. ”
“ it seems rough right now, but just wait, better days do come. ”
“ sometimes you just have to let go and let god. ”
“ show them what you’re made of, screw them. ”
“ when denied, work harder and serve justice. ”
“ you are worthy of so much more, i promise you. ”
“ you’re not all bad so stop acting like it. ”
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